No One Can Forget Their First Love
by SPOONS Secret Agent Alice
Summary: Bella is still in love with Edward, but he's moved on to a new girl. What makes it so hard for Bella to get over him? AU AH One-shot. I was writing the original version and decided to make it Twilight Style. Please R&R.


As I sit on the cool, soft grass, I think about all the times we spent together. We were always happy and I remember being so in love with you that it hurt. I never wanted to leave your side and you mine, but that all changed that night. It all changed the night she took you away.

How could she? How could she mar the beautiful relationship between us? We were going to get married in a big white chapel with all our family and friends present and me sporting a comical white tulle wedding gown. We had it all planned, right down to the six kids playing in the front yard and us sitting peacefully on the swinging bench on the front porch, cuddling as the sun slowly dipped below the horizon. The sky full with pinks, oranges, reds, blues. The dog comes running up the porch steps and slobbering big, wet kisses all over our faces and arms and barking with happiness.

My throat closes up as I remember all of our day dreams about the future, The future with both of us together and happy, not with you in another's arms and me sitting on the hill—our hill—watching the sunset all by my lonesome.

How could one woman change so much? Now, here I am, sitting alone with no one to hold me. No one to care for me the way you cared. I remember when I was sick how you would come over with a thermos full of potato soup and sourdough bread in a separate bag. You'd sit with me everyday for hours, just talking about little things and watching girly shows that you hated. But you watched them for me, to make me happy. You always tried to make me happy and now I guess I know why. You were trying to relieve the guilt you felt by being with two women.

You loved us both, but I guess you loved her just a little bit more.

Now, everyday in class, I get to see you walking around with her, holding her closely like you're afraid she isn't real. Like, she'll disappear if your eyes leave her for a second. I know how that feels. I was the same way with you. I never wanted to let you go, but the second I did you left without a whisper. I see you kiss her gently as you go your separate ways for class; I see the way you bend down to whisper in her ear, sweet nothings caressing her ear. The way you light up when she enters the room.

I can't bear to watch, but I can't look away. My eyes are stuck on you and my love for you lingers palpably between us, unbeknownst to you. But I can see it. I can see it clear through the heartrending haze that constantly surrounds me. My heart breaks every second you're not with me, every second you're with her.

To you, I bet she looks like an angel. Her long, flowing golden hair is soft silk and downy clouds caressing the day sky. Her cornflower blue eyes are an endless sea on a sunny day and framed with a light coat of darkness that rest upon her long lashes. Her high cheek bones bare no makeup because her skin is already so perfect that the makeup would only taint its beauty. Her smile is perfect and her body fits perfectly with yours. It's like you were meant to be and it kills me. It kills me because I thought we were meant to be.

To me, she looks like a witch from a horror story. Her gold hair that is smooth to the touch to you resembles snakes atop her head that hiss and bare their teeth to anyone that dare cross her. Her endless blue eyes are ugly and show no hint of any emotion that passes through her body, if she even has emotions. They are bottomless pits that hypnotize anyone who holds her gaze for too long. Her perfect smile is marred by the ever constant sneer that she wears and her perfect skin is sallow and blotched with all of her imperfections. I can see through her to the core, the place where she is truly herself. She smiles and laughs at misery and holds contempt towards anyone who speaks wrongly to her. I see all of this, but you are too blinded by your so-called love to notice the real her. Too blinded to notice the…the harlot within this angel.

She has taken over all of your senses, over-ridden your judgment with her witchcraft. She has made you forget and maybe even taught you to bemoan our wonderful time together. But there is one thing you should know. You should know that no matter what she does, I will never regret it.

I will never regret the time we spent together. I would go back and do it all again, though maybe next time, I'd do something to keep you with me. I don't want to lose you, but I've already lost you. I lost you and I can never find you again. You are forever lost in a sea of heartache and despair.

I'm glad that you're happy. I love you enough to let you go, but that doesn't take the pain away. It doesn't take away the everlasting pain remaining in my heart.

I sigh as I stand up; brushing off the blades of grass I had ripped up in my lap to the ground. My fingertips are dyed green from the chlorophyll in the grass, bits and pieces of the dead grass are embedded under my fingernails. I don't care though. I don't care about a lot of things now. All I care about is you.

I rake my hand through my asymmetrical, short bob. I forgot to tell you that I cut it yesterday all by myself and I think it looks nice. It has choppy layers and side swept bangs that cover my left eye, trying to block you from my sight. It never works though; I still see you through the clumpy strands of oily hair.

I know you didn't notice, you never look at me anymore, maybe it's from the guilt of leaving the way you did that night. Maybe it's because you are disgusted by me. Maybe it's because you just don't care about me anymore. Whatever the reason, I don't care. I wish you would just acknowledge me. To show me that you at least know I exist, that I wasn't just some nightmare haunting you in your uneasy sleep.

I wonder if I keep you up at night. Do you think of me before going to sleep? Do you think of my face mere seconds before you turned your back on me that stormy night, leaving me in the rain? I must have looked horrible, with mascara running down my pale cheeks and my then long hair tangled and stringy, almost melting into the black background. Do you remember looking into my deep brown eyes that held all the sadness in the world and being able to turn your back on me, just like that? Do you see me behind your lids when you close your eyes and wonder if I'm all right without you by my side anymore?

I think about you all the time. I think about your bronze hair sticking in all directions like it always does. I think of your sweet crooked smile, blinding me with your bright white teeth and happy expression. I think about your eyes, bright green and vibrant. I see your face put together as a whole connected to your sinewy body behind my lids making you who you are, the center of my universe. You're perfect. My one and only. I could only hope you think of me as much as you think of her.

I hear the thunder after a great flash of lightning lights up the night sky. It's a punch in the gut, the tearing of my heart. The rain pours heavily on me, pelting me with fat droplets of water that mingle with the fresh tears streaming down my face. I can almost feel the dark makeup washing away from my face, cleansing me of the past. The cool water feels nice on my skin, refreshing me from the hot summer day that has once again come and gone. The rain cools the summer night into a calming disarray of light, sound, and feeling.

My hair sticks to my face, slick with water and hairspray. It makes my cheek feel weird but I enjoy it. It's different.

A cool breeze brushes past me, making me shiver in response. I don't want to go home yet; I like it too much out here. Out here with the rain, I don't feel so alone anymore. The rain was my only comfort when you left. It's my only comfort now that you're gone because I know that even though things have changed between us, this common occurrence never will. It will always rain and the rain will always be the same, thick, tiny droplets pelting me through my clothes, threatening to break through my frail skin. I know that even when all seems lost and chaotic, I have this one tiny reoccurrence to assure me that not all has been lost, that there is a semblance of the past moving on with me.

I know it's time for me to go home now, but I can't bear the thought of waking up one more morning just to see the two of you be with each other the way you and I should be with each other. I'm fed up with you and she, flaunting what should've been. I walk the opposite way from my home. I walk towards the city lights and away from the suburbs to never return again. I will make my life somewhere else, even when you're not in it.

Hopefully in time I will learn to forget you, but I know that a piece of you will always remain in my heart, no matter what happens to me. As long as I live, there will always be a part of me that loves you. I just can't take this anymore. I don't want to take it anymore. I want to be free of you and your strong grip on my heart. It's squeezing too hard, threatening to burst my most precious organ. I can't let you do that, I won't give you that.

I make my way to the bus station, checking my wallet to see what I have to use. I have forty dollars and an endless amount of change. I look at bus tickets and notice that I have just enough to make it to the next state over, the place where I will change my life. I purchase my ticket and hop on the bus, just making it before the doors shut. I sit in the very back, looking out that back window as the bus departs from the station. I watch as the familiar places pass by, signaling my leaving for good.

I have one more thing to tell you before I leave for good and it is this: the girl you love so much, the girl you can't live without, was the only one I trusted. I trusted her with my life and she ripped it all away, loving you behind my back. I'll never forgive her and I'll never forgive you. I can't stop the love I feel for both of you, but I know that things will never be the same between us.

I just can't believe that I lost you to my sister.

**-:-**

**A/N: So, this is actually something I was writing earlier tonight and I didn't start it as a Twilight fanfic. I was going to post it on my fictionpress page, but I knew almost no one would read it, so I decided to change it into a fanfic. I still have the original copy, so if you would please go read it and review it I would be ecstatic. I like the original better (all though there is much different between the two, just descriptions) but please, please, please go read the original. There is a link on my profile to my fictionpress account. And if you originally found this from fictionpress, I thank you for coming over here and reading the Twilight vamped one. :)**

**Okay, now if you are confused by anything I'll kind of straighten it out now. The one who is narrating is Bella. And in this fanfic her sister is Tanya (at least to me, you can make it Rosalie or anyone else if you want to, I just see it as Tanya for some reason.) and as you all can guess, the cheating bastard is Edward. Lol, I know that's very OOC for Edward, but I think I do better writing angst than I do trying to write funny happy stories. So, please, please review this and then go over and R&R the original. I promise it won't take much of your time. I'll have the story posted with the same title and there is a link on my profile to get to it easier. I would greatly appreciate it and I'll even give you a virtual cookie if you do this for me. I thank you all for taking the time to read this and you are all going to make me very happy :).**

**-Jenn**


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